REBIRTH AFTER PAIN AND HEARTACHE.

I face the world alone and as cold as it is its sharp eyes pierce through as if in a staring contest and does not want to give in.

“Is she married? How old is she?” I hear your whispers, they are actually louder than you think and as much as I want to ignore they get to the better side of me… “Who does she think she is? She brought this on herself” Cold words I tell you as if kindness went away with the wind and it was now a thing of the past…

I carried the evidence alone  and all the weight from the world weighing me down. Month after month from the first to the last seemed a whole eternity. I felt congested by the stares I was given and all the shame I bore. Life had given me a gift that more so started to feel like a curse. Everything brought me sadness beyond what one could fathom. My world had now turned grey. Everything lost color. Everything lost meaning.

Fear became part of my story…I was no longer the author of my own script… I no longer saw the happy ending I had been dreaming about. People close to me ran away, promises that were made were now broken and it was then that it dawned on me that the phrase “promises are made to be broken” is true. Friends turned into foes and everyone else appeared a stranger.I was now almost bringing forth a life in the same world I wanted so desperately not to be part of…Self doubt  had the  upper hand.

I had now lost almost everything until that blessed day,  the 30th of August 2018  when I placed sight on the most beautiful creature. I gave birth to my son and as I heard his first cry it felt almost as though it was easier to forget all I had gone through. Suddenly I felt this love and warmth and when I held his fragile self and tears dropped down my face I now made a vow to not only be strong for the both of us but also be happy. I felt I had purpose once more and I was rebirthed. I was embarking on a journey that was not going to be easy but worth every moment.

As I write this  my son who I chose to name Baraka which means blessing is 5 months. I celebrate each passing day and every milestone as I look forward to more. Nothing has been easy but some days are better than others. My job of being a mother runs 24/7. Some days I wish I had someone who could take over when all my energy runs out but with everything that has happened I actually realized that I am stronger than what I went through and shall overcome.

Forgiveness played a major role in my healing for how was I to  move on and find true happiness if I  chose to hold on to resentment and pain?

Lastly, not all superheroes wear caps and costumes. Mothers too are heroes.

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